I know we all have life challenges that we sometimes (me all the time) wish there was a bypass button to not have to go through those dreadful challenges and obstacles. Why do we have them and who made this shit up?!
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I want to share an abundance of choice words with people every time they tell me that. I'm high vibrational so that equals "Universe come fuck with me me more then you fuck with the low vibrational tools that are out here?!" I am tired. You can keep the cracker jack prizes that you was offering me if I can just be left the hell alone and just sleep.
I sound pissed if you haven't noticed. lol
I have officially closed off my cycle with my twin flame. After I felt all my energy come back, even the last littlest part he was white knuckling to hold on too, I immediately felt calm, at peace, quiet and I felt the burdens was just lifted. I felt no struggle that I was tied to and I felt like I could finally have a restful, sleep filled night and I did! I slept for nines that night, I woke up that next night and looked at my fit bit app and when I saw that message "You did it!" I smiled with the acknowledgement of knowing I slept all night without a stir and I still felt lighter. I became excited and was really for an adventure, something new! I felt my world starting to turn and no longer stagnant.
I then thought about my twin flame and realized he was no longer connected to me. I couldn't feel him anymore but I felt connected to something higher. At the moment, I felt my Twin Flame moved into the energy of becoming a karma?! Is that even possible?! He turned into a karma, damn. I had no idea that could happen. I was able to receive and see the download from the Universe so fucking clear! This was all something that was suppose to happen to awaken me into ascension. I don't feel me becoming mentally fuck up should become a part of a plan from the divine to make me raise my vibration higher. So now I feel like a psychic on steroids and as for my twin flame that is now my karmic, my love and feelings dissolved for him. I feel nothing for him, no emotional ties, love or lust. Nothing, my spirit guide told me this was apart of his karma, me walking away (8 of Cups) and moving forward into a new cycle (6 of Swords and the Wheel of Fortune) and being rewarded from the divine (Ace of Cups and Coin) and a new love connection with soulmate energy (Two of Cups) that is and will be my wish fulfillment that will bring stability (The Star Card, 10 of Cups and Pentacles and King of Pentacles). Yes I just referenced the hell out of Tarot Cards that confirmed everything I felt.
My toxic twin is trying to come back into my energy and I am not welcoming it. I learned to forgive him but I didn't forgive him for him. I forgive him so I could give myself clarity and closer where he behaved closed off in flighty and ghosting energy. He really did a number on my mental state and I am still healing but my guides and ancestors told me I am safe to love but then I thought able it " Who is going to love me?!?!
I have been loving, nurturing and supportive and it has never been returned. I gave out so much love until my cup ran empty because no one ever bothered to ask me "What do you want Leilani?" It may be safe for me to love but I am deciding to put that love back into me. No one has eve learned to loved me the way I deserve to be loved and through out the years that have made me lose my self worth and make me feel unworthy to be loved. This was conditioned into me as a small child and I want to fix this.
I am going to love me.....
Thank you for reading
Namaste
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