After my awful tower moment, I was angry, tried, exhausted, sad, lack self worth, and lost knowledge of my value. On top of that I felt the worst feeling of betrayal from my best friend who is the person I was born to love and felt rejected, thrown away and disrespected of my time. Yes I still love him to this day however in my own time I have healed, found clarity and learned to trust myself, the divine and most of all, my intuition.
I needed a change and I didn't know where to began. I've isolated myself after finding out the people I have called my friends all my life secretly didn't like me. So I felt I couldn't catch a break. I am cheerful, energetic person that likes to give encouragement and blessings for the bless. They all felt I was to ambitious and happy go lucky but they never thought to ask, how I feel. When something bad happens, I try to look at the Brightside and find the lessons to learn to move forward. I am to positive and happy and it annoyed them that I can bounce back from wrong doings done toward me. So when I was emotional and heartbroken, I was the bud of the joke and later to find out they made jokes over my marriages in the past and my fertility issues I had in the past. So I let go and let God. I had too and then I mourned them. So now when I walk past them with no acknowledge like I have never met them before in my life but I don't wish ill for them. When I cut someone off, they are cut off from my energy.
I know I needed to start my healing process, I just didn't know how or where to start. I realized I don't really see myself when I look in the mirror. So one day, I just decided to just really look at myself. staring back at me was a person I didn't know and I wanted to get to know her, learn her and hear her story. When she opened her mouth to say something, it wasn't what I was expecting. what she said to me made me smile she said:
"Leilani, you are enough just as you are! "
"You are perfectly designed!
and
"My life is my own!"
Yes, affirmations, I started with affirmations. I had to start somewhere. I am giver and with being a single Mom, it's hard for me to buy things for myself, or even put myself first that is an entirely different story about how I am my child's only provider and my child's father went out of his way to hurt me financially and refused to assist with providing and doing what is best for my son. After having a two year set back, I have been afraid to spend money on myself not knowing what if I have a financial struggle and be back at that bad place that I never want to go back too again. However I started to believe in myself again with telling myself positive affirmations every time I looked at myself in the mirror, until I actually begin to feel that way.
Healing doesn't happen over night, it is a process and sometimes the people you surround yourself with, depending on their intentions they could be your support system, or wishing you to fail.
Thank you
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