But who loves you?!

I know we all have life challenges that we sometimes (me all the time) wish there was a bypass button to not have to go through those dreadful challenges and obstacles. Why do we have them and who made this shit up?!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I want to share an abundance of choice words with people every time they tell me that. I'm high vibrational so that equals "Universe come fuck with me me more then you fuck with the low vibrational tools that are out here?!" I am tired. You can keep the cracker jack prizes that you was offering me if I can just be left the hell alone and just sleep.

 I sound pissed if you haven't noticed. lol

I have officially closed off my cycle with my twin flame. After I felt all my energy come back, even the last littlest part he was white knuckling to hold on too, I immediately felt calm, at peace, quiet and I felt the burdens was just lifted. I felt no struggle that I was tied to and I felt like I could finally have a restful, sleep filled night and I did! I slept for nines that night, I woke up that next night and looked at my fit bit app and when I saw that message "You did it!" I smiled with the acknowledgement of knowing I slept all night without a stir and I still felt lighter. I became excited and was really for an adventure, something new! I felt my world starting to turn and no longer stagnant.

I then thought about my twin flame and realized he was no longer connected to me. I couldn't feel him anymore but I felt connected to something higher. At the moment, I felt my Twin Flame moved into the energy of becoming a karma?! Is that even possible?! He turned into a karma, damn. I had no idea that could happen. I was able to receive and see the download from the Universe so fucking clear! This was all something that was suppose to happen to awaken me into ascension. I don't feel me becoming mentally fuck up should become a part of a plan from the divine to make me raise my vibration higher. So now I feel like a psychic on steroids and as for my twin flame that is now my karmic, my love and feelings dissolved for him. I feel nothing for him, no emotional ties, love or lust. Nothing, my spirit guide told me this was apart of his karma, me walking away (8 of Cups) and moving forward into a new cycle (6 of Swords and the Wheel of Fortune) and being rewarded from the divine (Ace of Cups and Coin) and a new love connection with soulmate energy (Two of Cups) that is and will be my wish fulfillment that will bring stability (The Star Card, 10 of Cups and Pentacles and King of Pentacles). Yes I just referenced the hell out of Tarot Cards that confirmed everything I felt.

My toxic twin is trying to come back into my energy and I am not welcoming it. I learned to forgive him but I didn't forgive him for him. I forgive him so I could give myself clarity and closer where he behaved closed off in flighty and ghosting energy. He really did a number on my mental state and I am still healing but my guides and ancestors told me I am safe to love but then I thought able it " Who is going to love me?!?!

I have been loving, nurturing and supportive and it has never been returned. I gave out so much love until my cup ran empty because no one ever bothered to ask me "What do you want Leilani?" It may be safe for me to love but I am deciding to put that love back into me. No one has eve learned to loved me the way I deserve to be loved and through out the years that have made me lose my self worth and make me feel unworthy to be loved. This was conditioned into me as a small child and I want to fix this.

I am going to love me.....

Thank you for reading

Namaste 

The Start of a Beautiful Friendship

 After my awful tower moment, I was angry, tried, exhausted, sad, lack self worth, and lost knowledge of my value.  On top of that I felt the worst feeling of betrayal from my best friend who is the person I was born to love and felt rejected, thrown away and disrespected of my time. Yes I still love him to this day however in my own time I have healed, found clarity and learned to trust myself, the divine and most of all, my intuition. 

I needed a change and I didn't know where to began. I've isolated myself after finding out the people I have called my friends all my life secretly didn't like me. So I felt I couldn't catch a break. I am cheerful, energetic person that likes to give encouragement and blessings for the bless. They all felt I was to ambitious and happy go lucky but they never thought to ask, how I feel. When something bad happens, I try to look at the Brightside and find the lessons to learn to move forward.  I am to positive and happy and it annoyed them that I can bounce back from wrong doings done toward me. So when I was emotional and heartbroken, I was the bud of the joke and later to find out they made jokes over my marriages in the past and my fertility issues I had in the past. So I let go and let God. I had too and then I mourned them. So now when I walk past them with no acknowledge like I have never met them before in my life but I don't wish ill for them. When I cut someone off, they are cut off from my energy. 

I know I needed to start my healing process, I just didn't know how or where to start. I realized I don't really see myself when I look in the mirror. So one day, I just decided to just really look at myself. staring back at me was a person I didn't know and I wanted to get to know her, learn her and hear her story. When she opened her mouth to say something, it wasn't what I was expecting. what she said to me made me smile she said: 

"Leilani, you are enough just as you are! "

"You are perfectly designed! 

and 

"My life is my own!" 

Yes, affirmations, I started with affirmations. I had to start somewhere. I am giver and with being a single Mom, it's hard for me to buy things for myself, or even put myself first that is an entirely different story about how I am my child's only provider and my child's father went out of his way to hurt me financially and refused to assist with providing and doing what is best for my son. After having a two year set back, I have been afraid to spend money on myself not knowing what if I have a financial struggle and be back at that bad place that I never want to go back too again. However I started to believe in myself again with telling myself positive affirmations every time I looked at myself in the mirror, until I actually begin to feel that way. 

Healing doesn't happen over night, it is a process and sometimes the people you surround yourself with, depending on their intentions they could be your support system, or wishing you to fail. 

Thank you  

Let me introduce Myself .....

Hi, I am Leilani from Phoenix, AZ! I am a hard working professional in the Corporate America scene and I am very good at the work I do ( I better be cause I give more than 100% where I invest my energy). My favorite job is being a Mother to my beautiful, smart, brilliant seven year old son. I am single mother but that doesn't make me typical, it makes me blessed because it could be worse.

I see myself, well I see everyone as a spiritual being having a human experience so I try to be open and understanding to reason before judging. I do things in life only with good intentions with positive outcomes and will not invest into energies that doesn't serve my purpose in life. 

I am born "Gifted" which had it's challenges growing up in this world especially in the days of technology with being a energy healer, which is my main focus when using my gift and it can be draining. I can read tarot and give intuitive tarot readings. Not sure how tarot works, one day the cards just made sense to me like a old memory resurfacing and just like that, I could read tarot cards and I also read energy and can download information from spirit and source(is also draining) . With all my gifts, I am still human and human mistakes and human issues just like my other fellow humans. 

I enjoy teaching yoga and meditation, I also mentor others coming into their gifts and I am also a life coach. I was talked into Blogging again so I can share all of my experiences with the normal and paranormal stuff that goes on in my life and I am hoping to grow in this experience as well. 

Thank you

Namaste

Where do I Start ?

I don' t ever like to think of myself as lost, more like misplaced for a while. Sometimes we just need to take a break, go within and find guidance. However in my case, I just purposely misplaced myself for six

 months and thought to myself, I will get back to you when I feel ready too and I am glad I did. I needed to take a break from my reality from family, friends, third parties and my toxic ass twin flame. 

Yes, I have and know my twin flame. Some people think "Oh, you know your Twin Flame!?!?! That must be SOOOO  very romantic!!!" Actually I was singing that damn song " I Wish I Never Met Him at All". 

I have known my Twin Flame for thirty five years and he was best friend. We played, we fought. I threw rocks at him from far distances that landed in my mouth. He dropped kicked me once off a playground igloo once and called me fat! Wait I dropped him off a playground igloo for calling me fat! Even dated him for ten minutes for all his lemon Mumba's (candy like Starburst). We have known each other our entire life. Because of our history, it wasn't the baseline of having a romantic connection. 

We all know Ying and Yang together balances one another out. However what you may not know, Ying and Yang balances one another out once they are high vibrational in sync with one another. Just imagine someone who you are born to love, is the complete opposite of you, it's toxic. My twin flame was working in Low Vibration which means he was working in the shadows, darkness, negativity and what we call in the tarot world "working in devil energy. It was a long painful road traveled and I had to make a decision that was best for me and walk away from our connection. 

What was so painful about it, is he was best friend, a thirty five year friendship gone. After three years of end and out, lying, ghosting and broken promises. I had to walk away. Actual I believe I would have put up with it for a little while longer until one day he spoke to my son and told him he promise he will be there at his seventh birthday party and ghosted him. That is what did it for me. Fuck with my kid there is no going back from that. Don't make promises you can not keep. 

That broken promise to my child also save my sanity and was the beginning of my healing process. I was able to reflect and think about what I could have done differently. The red flags, there was so many red flags and I just accepted him as he was because we have history and the other extra bits I haven't discovered about myself yet as well held a huge part of it, in regards to my past emotional and mental abuse, I was already conditioned to this trauma bonding relationship behavior, it was normal to me. 

I have a friend in my life who I view as a mentor, I love how she always give me advice just straight to the point and no chasers. She is the reason why I am getting back into Blogging by sharing my experiences if life as a friend, mother, psychic (yes I said psychic), and victim to abuse. 

Feel free to make a connection as ask questions as well. I know this is a bit long and I will set time daily to make an entry and share.

Thank you for reading 

Namaste